At the time, we had just moved into a new house in a small neighborhood in Bay City, MI. One of my neighbors was having a garage sale, so I walked two houses over to see what they had. I introduced myself to my neighbor, and we fell into small talk. She told me about her family and that she had four children all under the age of seven. I was impressed with that. She asked me if I had any children. I replied, “Not yet, be we hope to start trying soon.” She looked excited to hear this news and said, “I have something I’d like to give you. Wait just a minute, while I grab it.” She rushed into her house and soon returned holding a big-headed Tiki statue. “This is a fertility goddess that we bought in Hawaii. It has brought my husband and I such good luck with having children, but now we’re done, so I’d like to give it to you.”
Too stunned to object, I brought the ugly thing home to my husband. He was as surprised as me by the gift. We looked at the statue, then back at each other and did the most logical thing we could think of. We named her Fertile Myrtle and fired up our enclosed bonfire pit.
Once the embers were blazing, Myrtle walked the plank, and became shish-kabobed.
And you know what? Myrtle burnt great. And you know why? Because it was merely a carved piece of wood.