my journey through miscarriage

No one ever expects to walk the road of loss. In our minds and hearts, we hope for better things, happier things, but sometimes life sets us on a detour.

My detour came in 2011 when my husband and I lost our first child, and then it happened again in 2012, when we lost a second baby. Heartbreak doesn’t begin to fully encompass the pain. It doesn’t describe the complete let down, ripped open, barrenness of dream, time, and life. I have wept and still weep many tears. It’s hard to describe the great depths of emptiness and grief. It’s a messy thing, this grieving. It rolls in and out. It is never once and done. Sometimes, it will catch you off-guard when something triggers a memory. Suddenly, I’m standing in an aisle at Meijer wanting to weep.

One thing I have learned about grief—it’s oftentimes lonely. I rested in a space of unyielding pain, feeling lost. The world continued to go on around me but I was cemented in place.

Every year, I encounter more and more friends that have grieved the loss of a child. It’s like a secret club that you only discover once you yourself have suffered loss. It’s a sad thing that most women don’t talk about, and yet, it’s so very common. So many women have suffered the death of a child. Many of us are in the club.

That’s why I decided to share my full story in a book form. Standing Lost is a collection of my journal entries, my pleas to God, and my grasping for ways to somehow go on. This small book is a way of saying- “You’re not alone. I’ve been there too.”


The book is currently available as an eBook on amazon
CLICK HERE: https://amzn.to/2HjjTPm

The paperback copy will be available on May 24th

 

Are You Blind?

“Seeing” isn’t easy in our fast-paced, self-focused society. Life goes by in a blur as we rush ahead from one task to the next.

I’m guilty of this. I’m a super-motivated-achiever type of personality, which can lend to blindness.

It has taken bumps in the road in order to force me to slow down. These bumps (deep hurts, miscarriages, illnesses, tragedies) have brought me a new awareness on life. An awareness that I needed because ultimately we’re all born with innate selfishness. Of course, the way we respond to the bumps of life will also determine our route—toward bitterness or betterment. I traveled bitterness highway for a season, luckily, God helped me find a detour back to betterment road.

What I have discovered along the way is that the hardships have produced an empathy and compassion inside of my heart that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. The pain I have experienced helped me recognize the pain in others and sympathize with them. My hardships gave me new sight.

The day my nephew, Levi, was diagnosed with a duplication syndrome, my sight was again, refocused. I became aware of the struggles and obstacles facing, not only a child with special needs, but also the family. I grew observant to those I came in contact with. My heart expanded, longing to celebrate the beauty of all our differences and how we are all uniquely fashioned by a God who does not make mistakes. My nephew might have MECP2 duplication syndrome, he might be non-verbal, and his development comes slow, but he is perfect. No one can take his place. The world needs Levi in it. The same way the world needs each one of us.

No one can replace you. You are uniquely crafted and designed by the hands of a loving God. Even if you do not believe in a Creator—to bad, He believes in You. He made you.

He made our beautifully diverse world with its beautifully diverse colors. Oh, how lovely it is.

Let’s open our eyes and SEE the wonder around us.

A STORY OF LOVE AND LOSS: I NEED YOU TO VOTE TODAY: Here’s Why…

You probably don’t know my dear friends, Jake and Kari Dunham, but I’m asking you to help them today.

For anyone who has experienced Infertility or Miscarriage, you understand the longing, heartache, and pain. Jake and Kari understand these two things all too well.

JAKE AND KARI HAVE A BEAUTIFUL STORY. They have been married for 11 years, but they knew each since the fourth grade.

They became best friends and that friendship never stopped. Only grew stronger.

 

They married on May 4, 2007. They’ve wanted a baby since. They tried many procedures that have not worked. On April 15, 2017, Kari finally received a positive test, Jake and her thought their dream was finally coming true. But on April 29, the doctor called saying the pregnancy was ectopic and would require immediate surgical attention. After 10 years of hoping for a baby, their hearts felt shattered.

But the desire to grow their family has never left. Only grown stronger.

And now, they have a big chance. The Fertility Center is offering to pay a full procedure of IVF to a couple in the Flip the Script contest. There are 8 finalists. Whoever receives the most votes will win.

Jake and Kari NEED this. They need to win because IVF is very expensive. Please, help make their dream of a baby into a reality.
WE NEED YOUR VOTE. Voting is open until Thursday, May 3rd.

HOW: click this link: https://www.facebook.com/tfcmi/ (This is the homepage of the Fertility Center. Then scroll down to Our Story: Jake and Kari Dunham. LIKE their actual post, not the video.) LIKING THEM IS YOUR VOTE.

Thank you for taking time out today to help them.