Monday Morning Joke: THE FENCE

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There was a large group of people that stood before a fence.

On one side of the fence was Jesus, and on the other side stood Satan.

One by one, the individuals in the group made up his or her own mind as to which side of the fence they would go, either Jesus or Satan.

The group had all distributed themselves, except for one man. He climbed the fence and sat on it.

Then Jesus and his people left and disappeared. So too did Satan and his people. And the man on the fence sat alone.

Then suddenly, Satan came back, looking for something which he appeared to have lost.

The man said, “Have you lost something?”

Satan looked straight at him and replied, “No, there you are. Come with me.”

“But,” said the man, “I sat on the fence. I chose neither you nor him.”

“That’s okay,” said Satan. “I own the fence.”

 

 

Reference: http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Satan/The_Fence.shtml

#christianjoke #mondaymorningjoke

Monday Morning Humor: Vintage Ad’s from the early 1900’s

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#VintageAdvertisements #Humor #1900’s

References:

http://gcaggiano.wordpress.com/2010/05/03/a-look-at-ridiculous-ads-through-the-years-the-1920s/

pzrservices.typepad.com

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/feminism/images/25790900/title/sexist-ads-photo

grooveland.tumblr.com

Monday Morning Humor: The 70’s

If you need a good laugh, look what people used to wear in the 70’s.

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The 1970’s fashion was simply stunning.

 

 

References:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/blackdynamite/25-outrageous-fashion-ads-from-the-1970s-5e97

http://www.messynessychic.com/2012/10/09/15-of-those-awkward-moments-in-history/

http://www.messynessychic.com/2012/09/23/the-tale-of-the-1970s-fashion-apocalypse/

doecdoe.blogspot.com

http://attackoftheuglycrochet.tumblr.com

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com

pinterest.com

Monday Morning Joke: Atheist Holiday

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An atheist complained to a Christian friend, “You Christians have your special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter. Jews celebrate their national holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur. But we atheists have no recognized national holidays. It’s unfair discrimination.” 
       
      His friend replied, “Why don’t you celebrate April first?”

 

Reference: http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Christmas/Athiest_Holiday.shtml

Picture: Quoteko.com

Monday Morning Joke: THE FIRST KISS

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At the end of their first date, a young man takes his favorite girl home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, “Darling, how ’bout a goodnight kiss?”

Horrified, she replies, “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”

“Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?”

“No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”

“Oh come on, there’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!”

“No way. It’s just too risky!”

“Oh please, please, I like you so much!!”

“No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can’t!”

“Oh yes you can. Please?”

“NO, no. I just can’t.”

“Pleeeeease?…”

Out of the blue, the porch light goes on, and the girl’s sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice, the sister says: “Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he’ll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!”

 

Reference: http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Love/The_First_Kiss.shtml

MONDAY MORNING JOKE: A Miracle Transformation

Beautiful blonde woman leaving the elevator.

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, “What is this, Father?”

The father responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.

The father said to his son, “Go get your Mother.”

 

Reference: http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Amish/A_Miracle_Transformation.shtml

Picture Reference: http://www.primebuyersreport.org/ca/oakland-elevators.html

Monday Morning Humor: Jokes from the 1900’s

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From Wit and Humor for Public Speakers, 1916
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From A Bunch of Laughs, Gathered from several different Laugh Shops, by Horace Huron, 1904
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From The Toaster’s Handbook, 1914
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From Caricature: The Wit & Humor of a Nation in Picture, Song & Story, 1911
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From Wit and Humor for Public Speakers, 1916

 

Reference: http://someoldjokes.tumblr.com/tagged/1900s+jokes

Monday Morning Humor: 1920’s Slang

American woman teaching English boys to dance the Charleston. Great Britain, 1925
American woman teaching English boys to dance the Charleston, Great Britain, 1925

Don’t lose it, re-use it!

Here are another Top 10 Hilarious 1920’s Slang Phrases that we ought to bring back:

10. Bank’s Closed – no kissing or making out –  “Sorry, Mac, the bank’s closed.”

9. Dry up –  get lost – “I’m not interested. Do me a favor and dry up.”

8. Don’t take any wooden nickels – don’t do anything stupid- “Be careful with your friends tonight and don’t take any wooden nickels.”

7. Balled Up- confused, messed up-  “Mom, I’m all balled up and don’t know where I am!”

6. Hoofer – dancer- “Wow, I never saw anyone move like you. You’re quite the hoofer.”

5. Live wire – a lively person –  “Boy oh boy, you’re a real live wire!”

4. Wet Blanket – a solemn person, a killjoy-  “Olga, stop being a wet blanket and smile.”

3. Chassis – the female body – “I have to admit, you have the best chassis I’ve ever seen.”

2. Banana Oil – nonsense – “You’re the first boy who’s ever kissed me.” “That’s banana oil.”

1. Mrs. Grundy – a priggish or extremely tight-laced person – “Hey Mrs. Grundy, would ya kindly pull the bloomers from your crack and settle down.”

 

(See my older post entitled “Talk Like the Twenties” for more great phrases.)

Reference: http://local.aaca.org/bntc/slang/slang.htm

Picture Reference: http://www.vintag.es/2013/11/american-woman-teaching-english-boys-to.html